Let's Talk Mental Health - Stop Spreading Yourself Too Thin
EPISODE 17
by Dianne Jimenez
This article takes 12 minutes to read
Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:
Subscribe to the
PARENTING GUIDE: ORGANIZING MADE EASY PODCAST
and never miss a bonus episode!
Let’s Talk Mental Health – Stop Spreading Yourself Too Thin
Well hello hello hello! You’re listening to the Parenting Guide: Organizing Habits Made Easy Podcast! And I’m your host, Dianne Jimenez. I’m so delighted to have you here and thank you for subscribing to my channel from whichever platform you normally listen to podcasts on. Now, if you’re on Apple, don’t forget, you can always leave a review. I SO love reading them. So keep ‘em coming! They’re encouraging and motivating.
Ok! So, if you’ve been listening to this podcast, follow me on Instagram or if you’re on my email list – and, by the way, if you’re not, I suggest you get on it – I’ll link how you can in today’s show notes! I’m a big mental health advocate. So when working with clients it’s top of mind. In fact, it’s a priority that we decrease the mental load and bring you more clarity and mental space after each session.
So with May being Mental Health Awareness month, I thought,
what better way to increase the awareness, then by talking about it more so that we all put it out there, help people feel connected and ‘not alone’, so as to help them move towards seeking help and start the healing process.
Now, I may or may not know this about me, but on top of being a professional organizer, once upon a time, I was deep into the world of health and wellness. Eons ago, I got my degree in exercise science, specializing in athletic therapy. Fast forward 8 years later and jumping into the Finance world for a stint, I decided that my heart and calling were all about helping people on a more personal level.
And so, I got my certificate in massage therapy while on maternity leave. Now, I’m no longer in that field because… after 2 more kids and a busy household, my career and passion projects had to be put on hold for a bit… but not for long!
Want to go from 'drowning' to peace of mind?
I still am passionate about helping people: whether it’s physically with organizing and systemizing their spaces, or emotionally by guiding them into making the decisions about letting go of the items that no longer serve them… It all ends up affecting us mentally.
So as I mentioned earlier, May is Mental Health Awareness month. I want you to know that I always have your health in mind when delivering content: either here on my podcast, in videos, posts on social media or weekly check-ins straight in your inbox.
I also have your health and well-being at the top of my list when it comes to teaching and guiding you – whether in person during an organizing session OR through my online training and community with moms struggling with Time Management and upcoming online Toy Organization course. Head to my show notes at the end of this episode where you’ll find the link on how to get into the time management community for moms and to my toy organizing course. At the release of this episode, the doors are currently closed for both of these; So sign up today to get on the waiting list and be the first to know when the doors open again!
When I became a mom and went through all the first time mom-feels: joys, discoveries and all the challenges. It REALLY became apparent on my mental load after I had my second baby.
I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt that I was spread way thin.
I was still adjusting to knowing my daughter, a very different baby than my first, and all the tricks that were working before, didn’t work at all or as effectively with her. I felt, as millions of moms out there also felt: like crap. I had no idea what I was doing. Well, I knew the basics but this was a whole different personality. It’s as though I was starting back at square one;
…but STILL trying to be present and attentive to my son and at the same time be a loving and supportive wife: 24/7 , 365.
find out how families with 3+ kids tackle the beast: laundry!
My mode was either OFF, which felt like a blink, or ALWAYS ON: there for everyone AND everything. Doing things on my own and trying to figure things out, is just who I am. It’s part of my ‘being’.
Now, this isn’t to say that my husband didn’t help or wasn’t present. Not at all. He’s a very involved parent and husband. When I was in massage therapy school every second weekend, he was perfectly fine taking care of our son. And our son…. knew no difference!
But, while Onnig was asleep, call it stubbornness on my part or just wanting to ensure he’s at his best for his employees and business partners, I would rarely wake him up overnight. I tended to all the wake ups from either one or both kids.
Now don’t get me wrong, we had many conversations about me needing to wake him up, even if it was to bring the baby to me, wait for the feed, and bring her back to her crib – he was so on board with that. But my thoughts were about taking care of him too. Looking back at it now, I still wouldn’t have changed a thing and knowing that he’s listening to this podcast, the second it releases, he’s most probably shaking his head right now (laughs).
So back to getting up for all sounds and peeps from my babies, my body was experiencing physical pains due to my posture, post surgery, lack of sleep and possible lack of overall mobility. Even today, I still experience sharp pains randomly through my hands with the simplest movements.
In hindsight, I wanted and needed to do the work: feel all the feels, gain the experience and knowledge about myself.
As much as my babies were growing, I was too.
My Secret Sauce for setting the kids up for success
But my mental health was also taking a toll. I didn’t know or didn’t pay much attention then, but I do remember one night, annoyed after a quick feed, standing by the corner of the bed, awake but exhausted. What felt like months and months and months of trying to keep it all together, while feeling like I was being pulled in all directions, I felt resentment brewing.
Resentment and anger at myself, being a mom, at having to do all of the things only moms can really do.
Resentment at my husband who was able to turn everything off before his head could hit the pillow. I remember looking at him asleep:, so unaware of my thoughts and feelings. Part of me felt bad but I was also annoyed and pretty pissed.
I cringe right now, thinking of this. He’s such a WONDERFUL and generous father, husband and partner. I couldn’t ask for a better person to live this life with. I truly lucked out with this guy.
When we were still dating and had lots of outside challenges with our relationship, I often said “it doesn’t matter where we are or what we’re doing. We could be shoveling poop; As long as I’m with you“.
Well this was one of those times. This segment, this season in our lives, was us shoveling poop, but he just didn’t know about it.
So that night, standing at the far corner of the bed, opposite him, I grew resentment. And I felt that if I continued on this path of me doing everything for everyone AND being ON all the time for my family… That our relationship, where we started and WHY we endured all those obstacles in the past, so that we could be here today, for this life we dreamed of… Was starting to form tiny cracks and fissures in our foundation.
3 things to establish now before losing your s#!t later on
It wasn’t good. And I saw myself going into really dark places and thoughts of my husband. And I don’t think I’ve EVER expressed this to him in such a way – or to anyone for that matter. But I feel like maybe expressing what I went through here now, on this platform, will help another mom going through something similar in thoughts, feelings, situation or experience.
So thank God, I snapped out of those dark and scary thoughts, that night in the wee hours of the morning….
I don’t know how the conversation came up between Onnig and I, but checking-in was a must, and the conversation had to come about. I had to get real, be honest… Completely naked with him. No, not THAT kind of naked. Like : see my soul, who I am… Let you in on what’s going on with me. All my troubles and fears, joys and wonder, type of ‘naked’.
Where did this term come from, Be Naked? Well for me at least…
I posted a video a few years back for a FB challenge I participated in. And the question was: “what would you tell your 6-7 year old self” or “if you could tell your younger self something, what would you tell them?” Something like that.
Anyway, my answer was that I’d tell my young self to be “naked” with their partner: share your thoughts, dreams, your hopes and deepest fears… Always, and often throughout your time together.
I’ll post the link of the video in today’s show notes. But it went into more detail and you can hear the feelings about Onnig in my voice. I had a lump in my throat and got a little teary-eyed then…and I still do just thinking about it now , and as I write this part out for this episode.
So that very difficult, but honest conversion with Onnig came out. I don’t know how or when, if it was in the middle of the night during the day. And I don’t even remember if it started out as an argument. Patience gets pretty thin with very little to no sleep. But we had a deep, heart to heart. And I realized I had to let go.
Let go of trying to be ALL and everything for everyone. Let go of doing all because I don’t have to.
I’m capable of it, yes. But in our situation, am I supposed to do it all?
I’m not.
Take my free training: "How to find time in a busy schedule" -
And it was hard to do that: to swallow my pride. And this is something I’m still working on today.
Remember how I said earlier that I’m a person who likes to figure things out for herself? I believe it stems from when we were younger. As immigrants here, 40+ years ago, my parents didn’t have much support like they did back in the Philippines. My aunt was here – but she too was working. So they had to figure things out for themselves… And as kids, with both parents working, we had to figure things out too.
It was the 80s.. It’s what we all did I think.
Anyway, it was high time to ask for help. Even though there wasn’t a question about receiving it at all, Onnig was fully there and fully supportive, and a super problem solver. He is a mechanical engineer running his family business after all, so problem solving is in his DNA. Plus, he tells the kids , even now, that he loves them so much… But “I love your mom the most”.
I couldn’t have asked for a better partner….Did I say that already? But it’s true and it’s worth repeating.
So in our conversation, it’s as though I had to come clean and let my guards down. My pride, my ego had to all take a step back now, WAY back, and let the new Dianne – the one that was growing from all these experiences, emerge.
So the person trained in health, the mom, the wife and the new ME, all had to start working together, or coexist: for myself, my family and my relationship with my husband. It was for our future to even exist.
Join my free community 'It's goin to be 1 Tidy Place' on facebook
So in this episode, I wanted to tell you a little part about me – the not so organized and polished person I normally post up on social media (or try to at least) And I know I covered how I became a pro organizer in podcast episode #2 and I thought, at the time, that that was good enough. But in recent days, I felt like I needed to connect a little deeper with you this time, so you know where I came from and where my mind is at when I’m trying to help you, through my courses, 1 on 1 sessions or even in person when we chat.
I hope this episode helps you on your road towards mental clarity and decreasing your mental load. Or that it opened up your eyes a little about mental health. The journey is different for everyone but it affects us all. So I wanted to share a little piece of me with you today.
If you found this episode touching home or thought of someone, a friend, a loved one ,a colleague who shared a piece of their story with you and this episode could help them through their own journey, or you feel it would resonate with them, share the link to this episode via text or email. You never know whose life you’re helping to turn around or getting them closer towards the light of their tunnel.
Thank you so much for being here and taking the time to listen to my podcast today while you’re out and about or getting stuff done. I’m so appreciative and thankful for your valuable time. I’m also going to take this moment to wish you lots of sunshine, love and support wherever you are and whenever you need it. You are an amazing person, with so much to offer in this world and with more wonderful adventures to experience and things to explore! I’m rooting for you. Until next week, friend. Bye for now.
Can you think of someone who would also benefit from reading this?
Send it to them:
