9 Ways To Get Your Kids To Help With Chores
EPISODE 31
by Dianne Jimenez
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9 Ways to Get Your Kids to Help with Chores
This episode provides key tips and information on how to get kids to help with chores while instilling useful life skills. It discusses how to make it engaging by setting up a chore chart, dividing tasks, offering incentives, and breaking down complex tasks into manageable pieces. It also highlights the importance of setting a good example, being consistent and patient with teaching kids, and acknowledging their efforts. Plus get an eye-opening example straight from a client’s own experience.
If you’re struggling with getting kids to help out at home, this episode is for you. Enjoy!
Time stamps
- [0:00] – Hello & welcome!
- [3:22] – Kids LOVE games! So the more fun we can make a chore,…
- [5:10] – We used and we also had MANY versions from ones we created…
- [9:58] – Now offering an incentive is a great way to help get them motivated…
- [12:49] – Teamwork makes the dreamwork. When you’re introducing a chore…
- [15:37] – They say that if you are offering options to kids, to keep it to only…
- [17:59] – I love this. First off because it cuts down the overwhelm into…
- [20:30] – So this is a story that has nothing to do with chores, but…
- [24:24] – Now, I know being consistent can be a pain in the butt…
- [27:07] – One of my mentors says ‘there’s nothing wrong with B+ work’…
- [28:51] – Later on in the day, at bedtime or even…
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We can all agree that sometimes , and in some seasons in our life more often than not, we struggle to get our kids to help out around the house. That eventually we end up doing it ourselves (because that’s what normally happens, right?). What if we look at other ways to get kids to help out before we get to the point of yelling and losing our poop?
In this episode I’m going to list out 9 Ways to Get Your Kids to Help with Chores. Just to be clear though, there are probably more ways to go about this and maybe you have one that’s not on this list that works. So if that’s the case, send me a DM on Instagram or Facebook, or you can send me an email at info@diannejimenez.com and let me know what works for you. Who knows, with enough strategies, I may create another episode entitled ‘Ways to get your kids to help with chores, part 2’ down the road.
Alright, we have a lot to cover today. Are you ready? Let’s go!
Kids and chores – it’s a never-ending battle. But it doesn’t have to be! There are ways to get your kids to help out around the house without all the drama. So that’s why I’m sharing 9 foolproof ways to get your kids to help with chores. From making it fun to using positive reinforcement, these tips are sure to get your kids on board with helping out.
So let’s get started with…
#1: MAKE IT A GAME
Kids LOVE games! So the more fun we can make a chore, the more likely they’ll WANT to do it. For sure, getting the kids to compete against one another is all good and fun. As an example, in my video “How to get Kids to help with laundry” I posted a few years back, there’s a clip of my 2 boys (9 and 5 at the time) having a race to fold underwear. I’ll link the video in the show notes and once you’re there, scroll the video to the 2 ½ minute mark. You’ll see them in competition mode. For sure the results weren’t the best, but it was done. And sometimes, “done” is good enough.
And besides, they’ll get plenty of practice since laundry IS never ending, right?
When you have 1 kid
“But, Dianne, I have 1 kid. I can’t keep doing this with them all the time” or “ Dianne, I have 1 who’s old enough and I gotta take care of my younger one”. I hear you! This is where you can get creative like adding ‘time’ or a ‘specific criteria’ to the mix.
For example, sweeping the floor: ask them to try to cover the perimeter without lifting the broom. How crumb-free can they get the floor to be without lifting the broom? Or only lifting as minimal times as possible.
The goal here is to have them do the action, make it fun and hopefully, get THAT ingrained in their mind. Chores need to get done a certain way and can be fun too, if we make them to be.
Also, there are tons more games you can find online, it’s just a matter of picking one and tweaking it so it can work for your family!
#2: USE A CHORE CHART
Oh this one, we used and we also had MANY versions from ones we created ourselves with a simple pen and paper to a white board and dry marker to a fancy wooden one from the toy company, Melissa & Doug. Each worked well with our kids to a certain extent.
And I’m thinking about it now, we started these when they were really small. We focused more on schedule, for instance morning and after daycare schedule. Getting them into regular daily habits was key for us and it’s what they could manage.
Today, my kids do help out when asked. Or more that they KNOW what exactly needs to get done because I make a list: what needs to get done, how much time it’ll approximately take and who’s assigned to it.
Get (annoying chores) on a schedule
At our house, there is no chore schedule per se. The only schedule I follow is my laundry schedule – not to a tee but it is a great reference when I forget which day it is and WHAT needs to get washed!
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The other 3 main things that have a schedule are emptying the dishwasher, mowing the lawn and vacuuming. However, the first two are taken care of by my kids and the vacuuming is done by our robot vacuum.
The rest is mainly on a NEED to DO basis. Just because our days are so full and they fluctuate but mainly too, sometimes we just don’t have the energy!
A few years ago I saw a video of this woman, I forget who she is but she’s got a huge following on YouTube with her 7 kids? Anyway, she would put in her calendar spots where she could squeeze in a 10 minute chore. For example, and I’ve done this too when the kids were younger – while they were in the bath, I’d quickly clean the toilet, sink and counters. It was 1 small job that you could squeeze in anywhere.
So that’s what I implement with the kids too – if we only have 10 minutes, I’ll put out 3 things that need to get done for each of them. And then we move on to the next activity, event on the calendar, etc.
Making the chore chart work for your family
However, when the kids are home from school, it’s the weekend or say – during the summer time, there’s an understanding that the house needs to be maintained. So approximately each week, I make a list of all the things that need to be done that day, and split it up by kid or even let them pick sometimes. Every time I made a list of the chores that needed to get done, I would first explain to them what’s going on that day, i.e. People coming over. Or if there was nothing planned, I’d emphasize the balance they need to maintain with being home all day (most probably in front of their devices). Afterwards, I’d go through the chart with them to see if they understood or wanted to swap jobs with someone else.
In the last few months, I took it a step further to indicate the approximate time it’ll take to do each chore. This ranges anywhere between 5-15 or 20 minutes, depending on who’s doing it. Even with longer chores, I’ll try to break it down in a few manageable steps or make THAT chore a group effort: like folding laundry and they each have their section to fold.
So when they see the list I create for that day and SEE how much time it takes, they can’t say ‘oh it’s going to take forever!’. It doesn’t.
So my take on a chore chart. There are really nice ideas you can find on Pinterest just as writing down what needs to be done. You know your kids well so test different chore charts or lists until you find one that works best. But having a visual cue truly helps kids with doing chores.
#3: OFFER INCENTIVES
Now offering an incentive is a great way to help get them motivated to do chores. Such incentives could be offering an experience like going to a nice restaurant after seeing them consistently helping around the house for a month or so. It also doesn’t have to involve spending more money, such as allowing more device time or letting them pick a movie for movie night or maybe staying up even LATER for 2 movies! We’ve done this a few times and set up air mattresses in the basement so it’s like a family sleepover. The kids really loved that.
To be clear, offering an incentive doesn’t need to be expensive or done every single time they help out. It’s important to explain the WHY and not just the WHAT. Often, explaining the reasons why, sticks with them a lot more because we’re now tying in helpful actions and behaviors, with an emotional and memorable experience. Also it teaches them that after putting a lot of energy, time, work and effort into something deserves a little celebration now and again. It’s teaching them balance. Something even us adults struggle with. If this sounds like you, grab my episode #30: Work-life balance for moms.
Giving allowance for chores
Now you might be thinking about this or do it already and that’s to give them an allowance for doing chores. Although money’s a great motivator, I feel it just doesn’t belong here. For one thing, it’s going to backfire down the road. Because whenever you’ll ask them to do something, they’ll always expect to get paid once they finish the task. And the last time I checked, they’re not providing a service nor do you grow money trees in the backyard.
My Secret Sauce for setting the kids up for success
Which brings me to my second reason, offering money as an incentive to do chores just isn’t setting our kids up for the real world. Getting paid to maintain your own home just doesn’t make any sense. It’s not reality.
However, some may argue that chores equals work. Or, think: ‘If I don’t have to do it and someone else is doing it for me, well I pay them for that’. Right, but your kids aren’t people you hired. Or they didn’t apply for the job. They’re people you’re teaching and raising.
Now you may think otherwise and that’s totally fine, by all means, you do you.
#4: MAKE IT COLLABORATIVE
Teamwork makes the dreamwork. When you’re introducing a chore to the kids, you’re doing this WITH them. As they get a little used to the process, you can gradually start assigning a section that’s appropriate for their age and abilities, while you handle the bigger, heavier, complex or more delicate things.
Might think: ‘OMG I don’t have time for this, it’s taking WAY too long…’
Yes. you’re right. It totally is a time suck if we’re making it about ourselves. But when we shift our mindset to what it can mean for them in the long run? And the benefits this collaboration has on them?
Imagine: If it takes you minutes to empty the dishwasher vs. the 15-20 minutes to do it with them until you gradually wean yourself off? We’re playing the long game here. Take this time and live it because THIS is where they learn from you.
Introducing a chore to more than 1 kid
So here’s an example of a collaboration: putting away the dishes or emptying the dishwasher again because in many households, it’s one of the root causes for frustration. So when we first introduced this task, it was to all 3 of my kids at once. Our oldest was 8 and youngest maybe 4 or 5. At the beginning, our youngest would handle all the plastic items OR just put away the utensils and taught them about knife safety. The other 2 took care of the plates and the bowls, while the other the cups and miscellaneous items.
From all 3 kids emptying the dishwasher every day, to today, 4 years later, each kid having their week to empty the whole thing in the morning. Now, is it done every single morning, even during school? For my 12 year old yes. I’d say 99% of the time. My 10 year-old, about 90% . And my youngest who just turned 9, let’s just say I know when it’s his week because I’m more involved or it gets done when he comes home from school.
Now if you want to see an example of collaboration and teaching the kids an important life skill, I referenced this video earlier called How To Get Kids To Help With Laundry. You’ll see my boys who were approximately 9 and 5 tackling the different steps to doing laundry from loading to putting away. Grab the link in the show notes after this episode.
#5: LET THEM CHOOSE THEIR CHORES
They say that if you are offering options to kids, to keep it to only 2. Because too many decisions for them to make, especially on something they don’t usually like doing, isn’t going to go without complaints, eye rolling and a lot of sighing or worse, whining. I can’t stand whining.
So this also brings me back to speaking with our daycare owners when our oldest was just a toddler. I remember her saying to offer choices but make those choices in the parents’ favor. I read somewhere too that kids need to have some control in their life. It helps with their development for critical thinking and just gaining more self-awareness and confidence. And in the article it gave the example of allowing the kid to choose between the red pajamas or blue ones for bedtime. All in all, you just want them to wear pajamas and go to bed. You’re not asking them what time’s bedtime or where do you want to sleep tonight. That’s just a recipe for disaster later down the road.
Make the choices work in your favor
So the same thing when it comes to chores. Ultimately you want them to help or even contribute, right? So if dusting and sweeping have to be done, let them choose between the two. I typically offer 2 things that take approx. the same amount of time to do and similar workload.
If, however, we have baskets upon baskets of laundry that need to be folded, I know no one likes to fold the shirts. And in case you didn’t know, we split our baskets in 4 categories: tops, bottoms, underwear and socks. So I’ll give them an option: Fold just the shirts or fold 2 other options: pants and socks or pants and underwear. Usually, they choose the latter, folding 2 categories and that’s fine. I’ll help out with the t-shirts but have them fold the kids shirts for example since they find ours to be a little overwhelming to them. Or, I’ll have them split the task of folding shirts between them. They still need to learn how to do this, right?
3 things to establish now before losing your s#!t later on (during the school year)
#6: BREAK CHORES DOWN INTO MANAGEABLE TASKS
I love this. First off because it cuts down the overwhelm into something we can handle. Second, if we do a complex task, and it’s never done quite right or it keeps failing, then it gives us the opportunity to find out why and where we can fix it.
Side note here: all this thinking and coming up with solutions doesn’t have to come from you. I know you have the answers and a plan, but getting their thoughts on how to solve a dilemma is such a great way to get our kids thinking (on the spot) and getting them talking! If you struggle with a pre-teen giving you 1 word answers, give them the platform for problem solving. See how you both can come up with a solution together. You learn so much from them this way, I just love it!
Get to the root of the problem and create space
Alright, so back to breaking things down in manageable tasks. My next example has nothing to do with chores but I hope it illustrates things a little better. Take a knotted necklace for example. IF you’ve ever put a delicate chain in your purse or have worn more than 1 necklace once, you’ll know what I mean. You end up with a huge knot or several knots. Especially if they’ve been in your purse for a while. Anyway, when this happens I can only undo the knots by creating space and moving clumps of smaller knots away from the main one, as much as I could using a needle. In essence, I’m pinpointing where the struggle is and breaking down the complex into smaller, bite-sized, problems. So when it comes to chores, it’s breaking them down into easy, manageable steps.
And when it’s easy, it builds momentum and takes on a little more. After repeating this cycle a few times, next thing you know, the chore is done with minimal struggles. Over time, they gain more confidence, which leads to self-reliance and (cherry on top) builds momentum to keep going (or moving on to another task!). Now this last part is great with older kids and it will take time for all of this to come into play. They probably won’t even realize all the knowledge they’re getting until YEARS later when they’re adults and parents teaching this to their kids.
#7: SET A GOOD EXAMPLE
So this is a story that has nothing to do with chores, but it does have something to do with being ‘the example’ for our kids. So back to the daycare years when our oldest one was in kindergarten this time and our younger ones were still at daycare now.
One day when my son was home from kindergarten, I was figuring out what was going on with the TV and why the volume on Netflix wasn’t working. This is back when Netflix was still new, and I wasn’t tech savvy at all at the time. Anyhow, he saw my frustration as I was fiddling around with the wires in the back of an old school TV and continuously pumping up the volume from the control. I was annoyed, quite frankly and he could probably sense that. And then…
He dropped the F bomb!
I freaked out a lot inside and restrained myself from doing or saying anything right away. Instead, I just kept pretending to fiddle around with the wires. And thank goodness I wasn’t facing him because my face was completely confused, surprised and shocked all at the same time. And finally I blurted out:
‘Oh, that’s a new word. Where did you hear that from? What’s that about?’
And without skipping a beat he said, ‘You say this when you’re mad or you say this when you’re upset’.
Now, as a mom to a kid who just started elementary school, I was kind of freaked out and I wondered where he learned this. Anyhow, later on that day, I went to pick up my younger ones at daycare. And as always, if I had any questions about raising kids, I went to the daycare owners. I told them that my kid’s learned a very colorful language. That he said it today and knew exactly when to apply it
‘Monkey see, monkey do’
The owner who was there replied with an example of how her sister would always complain that her older son was always walking around the house in boxer shorts. Understandably, it would drive her sister nuts because regardless who was at home or who walked in, he was always half naked.
Free training: "How to find time in a busy schedule"
And when she would show up to her sister’s house, she’d tell her: “Well, of course your son’s in boxer shorts all the time! Look at his dad!” Sure enough, there he was sitting in the back room in his boxer shorts.
So all this to say is, (and she said this in the most loving way possible),
‘maybe you shouldn’t be saying those things at home’.
Just to be clear, we don’t speak like that at home at all, all the time. However, they (F bombs) tend to slip from time to time, especially when we’re frustrated and most probably during those times (when they were younger). For example when your tired, feeling like you’re all over the place and scattered, trying to do everything all the while trying to be a good mom and getting sometimes frustrated too. It’s tough! So, it’s possible that it might have slipped a couple of times under our breath and that’s where he learned it.
Why should we do it, if you don’t?
Another example is when I was with a client a few months ago. I went back to see how everything was going and to continue our sessions. During this time, I noticed a lot of the things that we had put away and organized had been in a disarray. In addition, it wasn’t just the kids’ things either but the from the other parents’ things too.
So I asked if the system we initially established worked or not. She said the system worked, just that her partner ‘always did things this way’. Then blurted out that one of her kids made a comment about how come they had to put things away if their other parent wasn’t…
Therefore, it just goes to show that kids really do pay close attention to what we say and do. Now my friend, if we can set a good example and try to keep those colorful words to a minimum, we’ll be all set.
#8: BE CONSISTENT
To be honest, I know being consistent can be a pain in the butt. I believe you need to have some sort of stubbornness about it to be successful. It’s kind of like having a ‘no excuse’ kind of attitude. Here’s an example of what I mean: Preparing your workout clothes and putting it in your gym bag then placing this with your workout shoes in front of the door at night. Doing this is a huge nudge to stay on track with living a healthier lifestyle.
So what can we do as parents, to get our kids to help with chores more consistently?
I believe setting specific criteria and expectations help a lot. Not to mention tons of repetition. But let’s not put all the “blame” on us parents. The kids, too, play a huge part here. For instance, their maturity level, understanding of the bigger picture and overall mood can offset a chore being done properly if even at all.
So let’s cut ourselves some slack, ok?
So going back to giving ourselves cues, like with the gym clothes example, because I’m not a fan of repeating even though I know very well it’s part of parenthood, I do place cues in certain areas. If you listen to podcast episode #10: 3 Tips To Making Bathroom Cleaning So Easy, The Kids Will Want To Do It, I show you where I strategically place things to help encourage my kids to help clean the bathroom. I also have a video I posted a couple of years ago, video #28: 3 Things To Establish Now To Avoid Losing Your S#!t! Later On. I talk about time management and placing cues for my kids to help them get ready for school in the morning.
I hope it sparks some ideas and inspiration for you.
Chores during adulthood – it’s a struggle
In all honesty, being consistent about chores is tough already for adults. No doubt teaching it to our kids can be a challenge especially if we’re not leading the pack. So I encourage you to have a conversation with your spouse and/or your kids, about the benefits and goals for helping out around the house. Emphasize that it’s about making this a team effort because when they start seeing things from your perspective and the grand scheme of things, it’ll get them thinking. And a reminder, it’s not one conversation that will start the spark, or get them to realize things, but have several over the years.
Like I said before, consistency is a pain in the butt. But things won’t get going and continue to roll without it. You also need patience, which brings me to number 9 of ‘9 Ways to Get Your Kids To Help With Chores’…
Stay on track with laundry & tips to getting the kids involved
#9: BE PATIENT
One of my mentors says ‘there’s nothing wrong with B+ work’. And I’ll even add that oftentimes, good enough is, good enough.
Not everything will be done properly, especially when it’s something new. If your kids are still young or maybe even just need more time, that’s OK. They’ll get the hang of it eventually with your guidance and support.
Getting the task done right takes a lot of time. Plus, no one does things exactly like you, no one ever will. Think about our own parents who did things perfectly (or imperfectly) in our eyes. Can we do it exactly the same way or do we have our own “version” of it? I believe there’s no 1 solution to things, especially with chores, so long as they’re getting done
If there’s a list of things to do, keep it simple. Start with 1 thing and grow from there. Then adding a chore after you’ve observed their understanding of how to do the task properly and to their level.
Adding age appropriate chores gradually teaches them that it takes time and patience to do things properly. Also, not piling too many things on their plate is a good habit to start practicing at a young age. Because, do you see where this can benefit them in the future? If you’re anything like me and MANY parents out there who sometimes bite more than we can chew, we can break the cycle with our kids and we can all learn a thing or two about limits and boundaries.
Patience my friend. You and I are building a stronger future.
Bonus tip:
Later on in the day, at bedtime or even the next day, don’t forget to acknowledge their time, effort and work.
I don’t always say ‘good job’. When they were babies and toddlers I did it more often. But over the years I’ve been changing my words and emphasis. Meaning I’m more specific on what it is I’m thanking them for and actually using words like, ‘ thank you for helping me…’, or ‘…. your brother’ or ‘…. your teacher …’ with whatever it is they did. Then following it with HOW it made things better, faster, easier, and more convenient, is always a good thing.
This not only boosts their confidence and builds self-awareness, but it can also set in their mind that contributing to something bigger than just them, will make an impact and a difference in peoples’ lives. Now doesn’t that sound like a great base for them as they grow and find their place in this world?
I think so.
***
Alright, that’s it for today! I hope you found these tips to be helpful, inspiring. Or maybe got you to switch your mindset a little and see things in a new light OR take a step back to readjust your message to the kids. Either way, I truly hope at least one tip helps you in your parenting and organizing journey.
No one said you had to do life alone
– Dianne Jimenez
So why not share this episode with other parents via text or sharing on social media? Or even post a review on Apple Podcast because the more followers and reviews this podcast show gets, the more Apple will boost it up. So this will only help to get my podcast in front of more parents who need help, that want to feel heard, supported and empowered to take action in making this whole getting organized with kids thing, a little easier.
And it all starts with you!
Thank you so much for listening and taking me along with you as you go about your day. I’ll see you again next time! Bye-bye!
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