Why We Struggle To Declutter
EPISODE 28
by Dianne Jimenez
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Why We Struggle To Declutter
In this episode, I talk about tackling clutter and why it’s so challenging for most people. In essence, you’ll learn:
- The 4 reasons why we struggle to declutter.
- Next, get the strategies, tips and resources to help you with your decluttering and organizing journey.
- Finally, I also provide you with a resource to refer to if you or someone you know, is affected by chronic disorganization.
Well, hello there! You’re listening to episode number 28 of The Parenting Guide Organizing Habits Made Easy podcast. I’m so glad you’re here with me today. I hope you’re having a wonderful week and that everything’s under control and smooth sailing with your holiday plans. Whether you’re staying in and enjoying a quiet season or out and about visiting friends and family, whichever it is, I hope this holiday season. May it be filled with peace, joy, and spent with those that you hold dear to your heart.
Speaking of the holidays, this is my last episode for 2022 because I’ll be taking a bit of a pause for the next couple of weeks so as to be fully in the moment with my family and enjoy the holiday season. Also, I’ve been doing some self-analysis and evaluation of my business as a whole these last few weeks.
As of January, 2023…
I’ll have a new schedule of when my podcasts will be released. This would be every two weeks. As much as I want to release an episode on a weekly basis, it’s not ideal for me right now at this time in my life. I know many of you can relate to trying to balance out work, family life, and your own personal growth, and development. Honestly, it’s really tough. We all know there’s only so many hours in a day. As well, there’s only so much of our bandwidth we can stretch. Often when this happens, something’s got to give. And I chose this to adjust my podcast schedule. But don’t worry, it’s not forever.
Now that we got that out of the way, today’s podcast episode is a good one because it’s about addressing the elephant in the room. And by elephant I mean dealing with all the clutter in our home. More specifically:
Why DO WE shy away from addressing it or push decluttering to the back burner all the time?
So I’m very excited to talk to you about Why we struggle to declutter. On top of listing the reasons why, I’ll give you tips and strategies to help you with this. Hopefully by understanding or even acknowledging the reasons, it’ll help us get past the blockage and be able to move forward.
We’ve got a lot to cover today, so let’s not delay any longer. Are you ready? Let’s go!
Why do we struggle with decluttering? Why is it so hard to get motivated to even start?
Aside from having too many things or not having enough time to declutter, there lies multiple, deeper reasons why we struggle to declutter our home. And for the sake of keeping this episode bite sized and actionable, I just want to make clear: I’m not a specialist in human behavior or don’t have a psychology degree. That being said, I’m going to uncover the four most common ones here. So let’s go!
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Reason number one:
IT’S NOT IN US
Alright, what do I mean by this? Because it’s not in our habit to put away things right after we’re done using them, it’s not IN us to do this automatically.
Oftentimes, this is something we never really learned how to do. And I, for one, can admit to this. Let’s just say, growing up in the eighties is not like how it is today, or in the last decade. But growing up in the eighties oftentimes, we were left home alone because my parents had to work.
To put this into perspective, my mom was a nurse and sometimes she had to do double shifts. We also had one car and they both worked downtown. Our house, on the other hand, was located near the suburbs. As a result, my parents had to leave quite early in the morning to head to work and only came home closer to dinner time. You can imagine,
we pretty much had to take care of ourselves.
Now, in today’s standards, it sounds horrible to you of what I’m describing right now. No doubt, there are people would probably be ready to call child services. But no, it wasn’t like that at all; especially in the eighties. Basically, we had to figure things out.
You see, my parents, who were great parents, also had to do what they needed to do with the knowledge that they had. As well figure things out with the capacity and support they were given, which wasn’t much. For example, the only other family or relative that we had, was my aunt. Although she lived in the next apartment over, she was also a full-blown adult with a full-time job and her own life too. So my parents also had to figure it out on their own.
Just to paint a picture for you…
They arrived in Canada when they were in their twenties. New to this country, they didn’t speak French. In addition, my mom had to go to take classes so that she could learn the language and be able to work. Oftentimes she took the second shifts at work just to help make ends meet.
All this to say is that my brother, sister and I, were home alone. But we managed. Our parents set it up so we had what we needed for school and our meals. Initially, my brother made us breakfast and made sure to get us ready. As kids, we were very responsible about making sure everything was turned off and the door securely locked before we left for school.
As crazy as it sounds, we basically grew up figuring things out for ourselves. I got to hand it to my brother though, because he was only in grade five or six. Being a lunch supervisor at an elementary school this past year, I don’t see many kids with that capability. And my brother really helped us: he made sure I got up and was at my heels to get ready and have breakfast. He helped me get ready and walked those 11 blocks to make sure we all got there on time. Him owning a watch helped!
All this to say is, because we were kids too,
picking up after ourselves didn’t come naturally.
As a parent, I know this now, raising my own kids and observing them. Picking up after ourselves is a learned behavior. Either you were taught it at a young age and now it’s in you as an adult. Or, you weren’t taught it at all, and now you have to learn the skill as an adult. As the saying goes: “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or… it just takes a a lot of effort and consistency!
- So what can we do to sharpen that habit of picking up after ourselves?
Clean as you go
When I worked at McDonald’s back in the early to mid nineties, the call that we all used was: Clean as you go. This was a reminder the staff would hear, especially during the lunch and supper rushes. As well, each cashier was in charge of a station or a section to keep clean during our shifts. Working at McDonald’s back in those days, was a great base for learning life skills and habits. They said that if you were trained at McDonald’s, it was easy to find another job after you left that stage because you had great training. Unfortunately, I can’t say what it is like today, but it’s very different from when it was back in those days.
find out how families with 3+ kids tackle the beast: laundry!
Establish a catch-all
Now back to learning life skills and habits. Another strategy to help us get the habit down of picking up after ourselves, is having a catch all for common clutter forming items . An example of this is paper.
Ideally, placing a basket or a tray where all papers can be gathered keeps everything together. Now, let’s put this into action. Take a minute to look at your space and see where paper is usually piled up. Oftentimes this is the kitchen table or the island. Next, put a tray there and let everyone know where to put all the papers. Whether it’s school documents, bills, or pamphlets from the mailbox, everything goes in there to be sorted at a later time.
Lastly, when you have time, or better yet, make the time to go through that basket and sort everything out. Because of this simple system you put into place, you know where everything is: they’re all in one place!
Put away the laundry right away
I know this is a tough one: Putting away laundry right after folding it. Honestly, I struggle with this myself. Especially when it comes to regular clothes. But what I do intentionally practice, even though it’s just so tempting to toss it all in the basket (and leave it there until I feel like folding) is to fold the towels right away. Ultimately, doing this small action makes it so much easier to put everything back in the linen closet.
So if you have to start somewhere, start with the towels. Baby steps, you got this!
Put the dishes away often
Often, this is where many heated arguments start and it doesn’t have to when you make it part of the routine. When you empty the dish rack and dishwasher in the morning, it just makes the rest of the day run smoother. For instance, this is what we do at our house: The dishwasher gets filled throughout the day then we run it at night. In the morning, the kids are assigned to empty it. Currently, it’s one kid emptying the dishwasher for that week.
On the other hand, What my friend and fellow organizer does is something slightly different. At their house, they run the dishwasher multiple times a day! Because she has a couple more kids more than me, and it’s a busy household, this works for them. As a result, it makes sense for the dishwasher to be filled a lot more. As well, they assign a specific person to empty the dishwasher after every meal.
Don’t leave the room empty handed
Another way of building that habit of picking up after ourselves is, to keep busy. In other words, and this is a popular one to do in the mom groups on Facebook, and that’ don’t leave a room empty handed. As a parent, you know there’s always something that’s not where it belongs. Therefore, as you leave one room, to go to the next, take that/those item(s) with you!
Speaking of having our hands full, when we pass by the mailbox, it’s important that we sort the mail right away before the mail hits the counter. Therefore, place each paper item in their proper end point such as: recycling, the trash or in the “to address” basket or folder. Remember that catch-all tray we placed earlier? This is where to use it!
Alright, moving on…
Make it easy to hang stuff
The final example I have to help us sharpen that habit of picking up after ourselves is strategically placing command hooks where clothes normally end up on the floor. So for us, it’s against the dresser itself or along the wall, to reduce the amount of clothes that are piled up. As a parent and pro organizer, I’ll often see clothes on the floor, on the desk or dresser or on a chair in the bedrooms.
For this reason, placing hooks is especially helpful in the kids’ rooms because you know where the clothes end up: It’s either on them or all over the floor. So let’s make it obvious for them and put those hooks up. For myself, I like to line them up on the wall, behind the door so when you walk in, there’s (ideally) nothing on the floor.
Okay, moving on to reason number two as to why we struggle to declutter.
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Reason number 2:
NO RUSH, NO REASON
When there’s no rush so there’s no reason. Often when this happens, we don’t feel any pressure to do it. However, the only exception would be the pressure we feel is the one we’re putting on ourselves with our own self-talk. Consequently, we learn to mute that often, don’t we?
What do I mean by ‘no rush’?
Let me explain this with an opposite example of my mom’s situation when she had to move out. Because her house sold so fast after it was put up for sale, she only had a little over a month to get everything done. This meant to declutter, downsize and move from a four bedroom, three bath house, into a one bedroom condominium. To put into perspective, we’re talking about 35 (plus) years worth of stuff to declutter in a matter of over a month. Thus you can see the opposite of ‘no rush and no reason’ here. In this case, there was a rush and there was definitely a reason.
To illustrate it a little differently, when you change jobs, somehow there’s an adjustment that involves time and sometimes location. When an unexpected family member is visiting, again we have to adjust the living arrangements for a certain amount of time. Or you’re in a situation where friends or loved ones have to now live with us, indefinitely. Basically anything with a deadline or a timeline involves pressure. In essence, if money’s not a motivator to declutter, losing time is.
Why don’t we use ‘time’as an ally and tool and not let it dictate our lives?
Funny enough, we often forget this and maybe don’t use it enough, but it’s practically in everyone’s hands: a timer on our phone or devices. To put things more practically, set a timer for 10 minutes and focus on decluttering. Here are a few examples of things to try:
- At the end of the day save the last 10 minutes before turning in for the night, or relaxing with some Netflix and have the clothes or snacks at the ready for the next day.
- Take 10 minutes to clear the counters of common rooms and do this daily until it becomes part of the routine.
- In 10 minutes, you can also tidy up a room, clean out a junk drawer while waiting the kids are busy finishing up their meal or finishing up their homework.
- Remember that basket of papers from the mail? Sort out one inch worth of papers from your paper pile. Separate these piles with paperclips or use folders. Don’t forget to set a timer with a buzzer and get to work.
Whatever you do, small wins go a long way, my friend. Alright! Another reason why we struggle to declutter is
Reason number three,
WE GOT USED TO IT OR IT’S OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND
First: We got used to it
Consequently, when the clutter is not affecting our everyday activity it’s because we’ve built a coping mechanism around it. For example, shoving things in the corner of a room or moving the piles of clutter from one space to another is a form of ‘coping’. Whatever it is we don’t want to deal with yet, we figured out a (temporary) solution and simply managing.
Second: Out of sight, out of mind
For instance, remember how I told you earlier, how we had to help my mom declutter quickly because her house sold so fast? Consequently, with decluttering, you’ll run into some items that can be sold. In our case, that’s what we tried to do as much as we could. Essentially, we tried to make a few dollars as she was downsizing. Why not? Her things were still good.
Now, the problem was my mother wasn’t ready to sell certain items at the price we suggested. But with the deadline fast approaching, we didn’t have time to do a lot of research. Basically, it was just taking advantage of the situation and hopefully making a couple of bucks here and there. Whatever it was we had good intentions. Despite some resistance, we did manage to sell my mom’s sofa and her loveseat at a pretty decent price.
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However, there were some items that we did put up for sale which she didn’t agree on. Anyhow, I had buyers interested in a couple of frames that she was willing to part with. However, she backed out at the last minute. Eventually the deadline came up and we had to pack everything up and clear up the house.
Where are these frames now?
As a result of all of this, these frames are now in the basement of her condo: in a five by seven space. Sadly, they’ve been sitting there for the last six years. To be clear, this is something that’s common for many people. Honestly, probably more than we can even imagine.
Nevertheless, there are things we just don’t wanna deal with just yet for X, Y, Z reasons. But before we get to that situation, here’s something you can try after this episode. If you do have items you’re just not sure you wanna keep or toss yet, apply ‘out of sight, out of mind’ concept.
Here’s an example I tested out with my client and her stack of jeans she had in her closet. Just to paint a picture, she normally wears leggings and workout clothes because that’s what she does, that’s what she teaches. On one of our organizing sessions she mentions to me:
‘I have this pile here, but I rarely wear them. And I can’t see myself getting rid of them just yet. I’m 99% of the time in yoga pants’
Now, I know to you and I, listening to this right now, it’s obvious for us what to do. Just get rid of them. Why? Because we’re detached from this scenario.
But I’m sure if we look at our own things and there are things we’re still on the fence about, we’d have the same struggles and thoughts as my client did. So I gave her this trick, and you can try this too. If you have items that you’re on the fence about, try this:
- Put it in a bag, tie it up, and put it in another location somewhere in the house. Then set a reminder on your phone for 30 days from now along with the location of the bag to see if you’ll even wear them.
- And if you’re worried that someone might mistake it for garbage, just put a note on the bag. Or better yet, include them in the experiment. Keep them in the loop. This way, you also have an accountability partner.
After 30 days, if she didn’t wear them, she’d have to donate it. Obviously, if the bag was ripped open or untied, she would’ve worn it. Thus, she’d have to reconsider incorporating her jeans into her regular rotation of clothes. The ‘out of sight, out of mind’ concept when it comes to struggling with decluttering is a reality that many of us experience every single day. But we just don’t know it or are unaware of it.
Oftentimes we struggle with remembering everything because our brains are filled with so many other things too.
So set that reminder on your calendar, on your phone, or wherever. And put the notification on for 30 or 60 days from now, and not more. In the big picture of your whole organizing journey, it’s one less thing in your house and one thing off your mind for good.
Decluttering our home helps us to see clearer because we just created more space in our brains and we also feel lighter too. It’s funny, I tell my clients every time we have bags and bags of stuff we just decluttered:
‘Friend. You’re literally losing weight right now”.
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OVERWHELM
All right, let’s keep moving onto the last reason why we struggle to declutter, and this is probably the most common one of all, overwhelm. Now let’s look at the typical questions that cause overwhelm.
What should I declutter first?
Certainly, there are many strategies you can surge up online. But only you know which one’s the best for. For a quick win, the most common strategy is to declutter obvious items that you no longer need or have use for. For instance, things that the kids have aged out of, don’t play with, or have now grown out of.
In addition, another strategy is to declutter things that you have way too much of and attack that one category. One that comes to mind is paper. We all have it in our house, and oftentimes it’s everywhere. So either you collect all the paper, then sort it out in specific piles. Or collect a specific category of paper such as receipts or kids’ artwork or magazines. Then go and declutter from that point.
Breaking things down into simpler steps helps cut the overwhelm by a lot. Another question that causes overwhelm is,
How do I declutter my house?
When you do a Google search for this question, you’ll get all sorts of answers and strategies. That alone can get overwhelming. But if you’re here now, my suggestion is to first have a plan, what are you going to declutter?
Which leads me to the next most common question:
Where do I start to declutter?
So what space will you tackle first? Often it’s the one that annoys you the most, the one that is a real eyesore to see every single day. Or it’s the space or clutter that’s stopping you from moving smoothly and going about your day. It could also be the space that has the most moving parts that just needs to get contained . An example of this are the kids’ toys.
Speaking of which, I’ll be starting a workshop on toy decluttering and organizing in 2023. So if you want to get on the waiting list and find out when it all starts, head to diannejimenez.com/toyorganizingcourse
I can’t wait for you to be part of this group coaching workshop community!
But if you want to start off with a smaller space or one that doesn’t evoke too much emotion that you feel like you’re decluttering forever, I gave you some strategies before with allotting 10 minutes a day to declutter next. Next, once you’ve set your goal of what to declutter, you might wanna let others in on your decluttering project.
Why? For one thing, and I’m a big proponent of this is you’re keeping them in the loop. The good thing is you might get some recruits to help you out with the project. In doing this, you get the ripple effects when you get kids involved. And that’s teaching them the importance of decluttering at a young age.
What if my kids don’t want to declutter?
The bad part is you might get some resistance from them. In other words, they don’t want you to touch their things. And this is especially true for older kids. In order to avoid this or make the situation less uneasy, I suggest using an approach of listing the benefits of having a clutter-free home. An example of these benefits are: the less time spent cleaning or looking for things, the less frustration there will be. And when there’s less frustration and annoyance, everyone’s just happier!
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Deep down, everyone’s mental health can be less overloaded. And decluttering our home promotes instant mental space. Therefore clarity.
How do I declutter?
So back to overwhelm being one of the reasons why we struggle to declutter. Maybe it’s simply not knowing how to. Or even having the time to go through the whole decluttering process. This is where consulting with a professional organizer is needed. We can help guide and direct you and keep you on track with your decluttering and/or organizing projects.
Oftentimes, we need a sounding board to help us with our decisions and someone to just lead the way for us in getting our homes more structured and organized. If you’ve always wanted to hire a professional organizer but didn’t know anything about it, take a listen to my episode number seven, Things You Need to Know Before Hiring a Professional Organizer. So in this episode, I also give you a link to a PDF cheat sheet to help you get some clarity during your consultations. So head to diannejimenez.com/podcast7.
How do I declutter items that are worth something?
A final example where overwhelm is the reason we struggle to declutter is: having to deal with the stuff that’s worth something. Now, you can hire an appraiser or a specialist for the stuff that potentially has some value. But when it comes to the stuff, you can get some extra cash for selling them online is an option. While I’m not gonna get into that in this episode, you can grab the one I already made, it’s podcast episode number 12, How to Increase Your Chances of Selling Your Items Online.
Now, I know I covered the very surface of overwhelm, but I’m going to sidebar here for just a second. It’s an important one, so you might want to take this.
Dealing with chronic disorganization
Little do we know but, there are many people who are affected with chronic disorganization. Whether they know it or are completely unaware. of it. This episode isn’t about chronic disorganization. The strategies and tips I provide may help . However these may just be scratching the surface of helping those suffering from CD. So, if you do want to find out more about chronic disorganization or to see if you’re someone who is affected by it, the ICD or Institute for Challenging Disorganization is a wonderful place to start. The site gives all the information you need: from taking their assessment scales to finding a qualified organizer to work with.
So I just gave you a chock full of reasons why we struggle to declutter along with some tips, resources, and strategies to help you with your decluttering project. I hope you got one or two takeaways from today’s show. And as always, if you know another parent, friend or family members struggling with decluttering, text them the link to this episode and let them know: “Hey, this is a great episode. You might wanna check it out”.
However, if it feels awkward to do this, I get it. You can always share this episode on social media because…
You never know who’s struggling behind closed doors right now, and they need to hear this episode today.
So with this, I want to take this time to thank you for listening. As well I want to let you know appreciative because you’re so amazing and patient with my episodes being released.
As I mentioned at the beginning, come 2023, I’m aiming to release them on a biweekly basis, that’s every two weeks. Nevertheless, I hope you’re liking what I’ve given you so far in my first year of podcasting! If you have any topics you want to discuss, please shoot me a DM on Instagram or on Facebook. You can find me @1tidyplace because these episodes can only get better after this.
So I bid you a very happy holiday season, friend. May you and yours stay safe surrounded by love and laughter and above all, stay healthy. See you in the new year. Bye-bye!
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