Podcast #9: My Secret Sauce to Setting Up The Kids For Success! -

My Secret Sauce To Setting Up The Kids For Success!

EPISODE #9

by Dianne Jimenez

This article takes 14 minutes to read

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Hi there! I’m SO excited to talk to you about this episode because the idea to write about this topic came like a spark and I started writing.

It’s like from that book Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert. Ideas are floating all around us. They need someone to act upon them so that they’re born into this world.

And that’s how this idea came about. From spark, to paper and out to you through this podcast.

The topic I chose to talk about, in today’s episode, is the basis of how I approach things with my kids. Call it the BLUEPRINT on how to teach my kids and get them to be more and more independent, feel confident and empowered so that I, myself, feel comfortable and confident; and that they’ve got the basics, or foundations in place for the next level that will eventually all add up to THEM becoming self-sufficient, capable, responsible adults.

This is the foundation of what we do to Set our Kids up For Success!

In this episode, I unveil how we started and what got the ball rolling for us to have this mindset; the logic behind our thinking that benefits all of us, and the one thing you can do to make your life easier!

I’ve had TONS and TONS of conversations and discussions over the last…. 10+ years about this with my sisters, friends, other parents as well as with clients. Basically – everyone! But these conversations were always snippets of what I’m about to talk with you about today.

So grab a pen and paper my friend, a good cup of coffee or some tea or whatever you need to consume all of my secrets. because THIS IS a HUGE episode and I had so much fun creating it for you. I’ve NEVER put this out there in public, in ONE PLACE. So thank goodness it’s here now and you can come back to it anytime you want or even share this episode with another parent.

Are you Ready? Let’s GO!

When my husband Onnig and I were expecting our first kid, we got this book from 2 different sources – both of our sisters in law. We figured… “Hey, this must be SOMETHING to look into” since we got it from 2 different sources. So, like wanna-be-good parents from the get-go, we read it together. Well not exactly at the same time obviously – but since we EACH had a book, we read and took notes and discussed. Kind of like a book club….but not really. We nerded out completely on this for what was to become a very NEW chapter in our lives: Parenthood.

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Months before the due date, we read the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer – How to Calm, Connect and Communicate with your baby by Tracy Hogg.

This book was SO GOOD, we used her method with baby #2 and baby #3 . It was so good, we referred it to other parents too. It worked! The EASY method is the acronym for – E for eating, A for activity, S for sleep, and Y for You time (while they sleep). All this was based on answering cues when babies cried

…because they surely can’t tell us they need a diaper change, now can they?

So the author kept it simple and a no-brainer: Go through the steps based on what you just did before when you hear the baby cry. If you just fed them and they’re crying, what’s next? A: activity. Maybe they need to be held, changed, or moved from the swing to their floor mat.

It seems so simple looking at this now, in hindsight. But when you’re sleep deprived, overwhelmed and IN THE THICK OF it… a simple, clear structure is your plane ticket to peace of mind… OR creating that mental space so you can think or focus on the task at hand.

Remember how they say, “kids thrive with structure”? Well as new parents who knew OF this… we didn’t have a road map or guideline. We just knew what we’ve been exposed to, heard of and have our own ideas.

But – oftentimes, like any couple, when you’re not on the same page, let alone not knowing how to communicate about it… eventually things start to fall apart.

So this book, thankfully – got Onnig and I on the same page without us even realizing it. I had my own thoughts and experience with babies. I’ve been babysitting since I was 12 years old. And I’ve experienced babies, from newborns to 5 year old. Whereas he… I had no idea if he REALLY knew what to do, and how to handle things with a NEW baby.

So this brings me to my FIRST Secret to Setting Up Your Kids For Success:

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Get them on a schedule or structure as early as possible

Now, if you’re thinking –

“….my kids are NO longer babies or toddlers!”

Don’t worry, I hear you! There’s nothing wrong with establishing routines and structure now – or ANY TIME for that matter.

My kids are now in grade school and one’s soon-to-be in high school. It’s not to say they’re machines and get their morning or after routines down packed, without needing to be reminded. They DO have a mind of their own AND they get distracted often. So repetition still exists at this stage and I hear it can last far into teenage years. Grrrreat!

But that’s another topic all on its own.

So if you find that you need a structure whether in the morning , after school, before bed or even establishing a weekend routine, it’s never too late to start. But do start somewhere. AND DO start with ONE area or 1 task. Then wait for them to get into the habit down (not perfectly) but get it more on a consistent level before adding another task or activity.

Creating a structure and building new habits to form around it, is a work in progress.

But the goal here is to get the basics on a structure and almost automatic for them. Then, build from there.

Ok, my SECOND Secret to Setting Up Your Kids For Success:

Make it easy or obvious

There are 2 groups benefiting here. One, for you and the other is for Them, the kids. But let’s start with them first, since this is a parenting podcast after all!

Benefit 1: When you make things easier or more obvious for them, they become independent

You know, as parents, being busy, tired and feeling like you’re all over the map is pretty much part of the territory. Well, that’s how I felt at least.

And if you’re ANYTHING like me – a girl who LOVES her sleep… It’s very hard to come by – especially with young kids. And since I became a mom years ago, having to be ON even overnight, is a whole other superpower I didn’t know I had in me!

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When my oldest was 5, so this was a few years ago, sometimes my mornings would be slow for me because my nights weren’t always smooth. Someone would wake up to go to the bathroom, or they had nightmares or the baby needed feeding. or something… My nights were often interrupted so when Kai would wake up in the morning, he had no problem just busying himself and starting his morning routine and playing. Well, eventually the kid got hungry! To help him be more self-sufficient, because mommy’s hands were quite full, literally, we placed what he needed to make his favorite, easy meal accessible to him: Milk and cereal.

His plastic bowls and cups were in the lower cabinet at his eye level, a low step stool was always placed in the kitchen for him to climb and grab the milk – also located in the lower shelf of the fridge. And the cereal, in large Rubbermaid containers, at, you guessed it, his level in the pull-out pantry. These were all intentionally placed, so it’s easy for him to get his stuff done.

When you set things at their level that relates to their normal routine, it becomes game changing, time saving and it empowers the kids all at once! Bottom line here is when you make it obvious to them AND easy for them to grab what they need and go… they eventually DO get to do things on their own!

At the SAME TIME though, while teaching the kids the system and training them to be more independent, comes the other part of creating a structure. Like walls are to homes, so are the boundaries and limits when it comes to teaching our kids.

Remember when I mentioned earlier that we have a step stool in the kitchen? It’s been there since… well before we even had kids! So this meant they also had access to whatever was ON the counters too, from such a young age.

When my older brother’s kids were toddlers, I remember when he would say 1 thing and the kids would move their hand away because they knew they could get hurt.

I didn’t realize it at the time that I’ve been doing the same thing throughout my coaching gymnastics and cheerleading up to now as a parent, and observed MANY parents and teachers do this too. It’s called: prompting. Basically it’s using short sentences or just a few words that give concise instructions to kids that they could grasp almost instantaneously and take action.

3 things to establish now before losing your s#!t later on

In this case my brother only said 1 word: ‘Sharp’, and their hand stopped, backed away. I thought that was AWESOME!

So with this in the back of my mind from years and years ago, it was now my turn to teach my kids about ‘sharp’. And it worked: from the kitchen to dining at restaurants. We never had to move any of the cutlery out of the way whenever we sat down to our table because we just had to use one word and the kids understood: Limits and boundaries.

Today, because we built from the simple tasks and routines into more complex ones for their stage now, they can prepare and make their own lunches not just for themselves, but for the 3 of them, without my prompting. Sometimes, they prepare something for me! And I feel like the tables have turned and I feel like the kid!

Speaking of benefits… here’s

Benefit 2 (which ties in with #1): They help themselves, so we can focus on other things and don’t have to do everything

I mentioned before how my kids help themselves to breakfast? As a parent, knowing that your kids can figure things out to answer their basic needs and come out OK… I mean, that’s relief and peace of mind right there.

So with them being on this path to self-sufficiency it feels like you’re actually WINNING at this parenting thing! Right?

Whether it’s finally having time to sit down and sip a hot coffee or work on an important presentation without interruptions or discussing important grade 6 topics while the younger ones are either taking care of their chores or just busying themselves, now, you have more freedom and to be a present parent.

Now my THIRD Secret to Setting Up Your Kids For Success:

Following up: Is your message clear?

Following up is KEY in all of this. It’s how you know what you’re showing, teaching, instructing… makes sense, that it’s clear and understood.

I do follow-ups with the kids randomly through open ended questions. Kind of like a pop-quiz just to see if the kids know their stuff. Now, this isn’t to be mean or anything but a lot of it is for my own peace of mind that they know what to do IN CASE of an emergency, for instance.

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In our kitchen we have this cabinet that pulls up, like a garage. Now typically this is where you’d store small appliances but because we don’t have an office per se, we chose this cabinet as the spot to hold all office-type things minus the filing cabinet. So you have pens, markers, scrap paper, stapler, index cards and little nick knacks. It’s almost like an organized junk drawer but it’s not a drawer – and it’s organized!

Well in this space, which we call ‘the office’, also has important information on a brightly colored index card for emergency numbers and who to call just in case. Our address is also written on it. The kids know this card and we go through it from time to time.

So on occasion, I’ll do a pop quiz or rapid-fire question over dinner, in the car… basically when things are calm. And I’ll ask: what’s our complete address? Who’s a main person you can call after 9-1-1?

Now, the athletic therapist in me is always thinking of EAP, or an Emergency Action Plan.

So I’ll ask them sometimes if they know what to do in case of a fire, or see smoke. Or when they go to the park together and one of them is hurt, what will they need to do next? Who do they go to? And very recently, while lying on the floor, I started introducing the topic of CPR and the importance of helping to save someone’s life.

Look, I know this a lot, and the last part especially, but I want you to think about what your kids know – from the basics like: do they even know your full name? Do they know how to make a phone call? Do they even know who to call, in case they need something, aside from you? To more complex instructions or more advanced ones.

You know your kids best and how they learn things after all. But these difficult or uneasy conversations are important and something to consider just talking to them about so that they’re made aware. Hopefully they’ll never need to use any of these emergency numbers but better to be safe and have peace of mind.

So when following-up, we have to be mindful of their answer and where we can tweak it so that they continue on the path to self-sufficiency, capability, and becoming responsible adults.

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OK! As always – let’s do a quick recap of how to setup our kids for success:

Get them on a schedule as early and as possible. Putting the kids on a structure and routine is essential for consistency and making it second nature to them. This’ll allow for more brain power and focus on the more complicated things. And when you have a routine, you KNOW where you can tweak and refine.
Making it easy or obvious for them has 2 benefits. Benefit 1) for them so that they become more and more independent, gain confidence and build that trust factor between you and them; Which prepares your kids for bigger responsibilities later on. Just a side note: making it obvious to them doesn’t just mean putting labels and signs everywhere – that helps but what drives the message is showing and going through the motions with them AND teaching them about limits and boundaries. Also having a good dose of patience. What’s parenthood without it? Benefit #2 of making it obvious is, YOU gain more time to be in the moment and take it all in, or step away and take care of other things. The less you do, the more freedom you have to allot that extra time on other things.
Following up: Is your message clear? Ensure they got, understood and are practicing what we teach. So randomly asking them and testing them will help with their development. The kids need our guidance and they need to feel comfortable enough to be able to openly give us feedback when our system or structure isn’t working out for them. It’s OK. This is the beauty of following up: it allows for communication and the possibility of contributing to finding a solution together! When the kids are involved in making the changes and implementing what you’ve taught, oh, your life is just getting a whole lot easier!

So there you have it! My secret sauce to Setting Up Your Kids For Success – in a nutshell!

I hope you enjoyed this episode just as much as I had fun creating it. Text the link of this episode to another parent who you think could use some guidance. And if you really found this episode helpful, I would love a review on Apple podcast or from wherever you’re listening right now. I’d SO appreciate it, you have no idea!

So my action item for you today is: Which of these strategies will you be implementing in your family? Send me a DM on Instagram or screenshot this episode in your stories tagging 1 Tidy Place, with the strategy you’re going to get started or pick-up again to maintain. I love to know what you’ll be working on!

Ok my friend, thank you for listening and I’ll see you back here, same time next week. Bye for now!

Referenced in this episode

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer – How to Calm, Connect and Communicate with your baby by Tracy Hogg (not an affiliate link)
Large Rubbermaid containers (not an affiliate link)