Winding Down Routine For Kids With Active Minds
EPISODE 35
by Dianne Jimenez
This article takes 16 minutes to read
Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:
Subscribe to the
PARENTING GUIDE: ORGANIZING HABITS MADE EASY PODCAST
and never miss a bonus episode!
WINDING DOWN ROUTINE FOR KIDS WITH ACTIVE MINDS
In this episode go behind the scenes with me on how we established a good winding down routine for our kids: Starting from our humble beginnings as new parents to where we are today. The road wasn’t always smooth, we’re still working through the challenges today and implementing key components helps take a load off – literally!
I’m hoping you get some key takeaways, ideas or maybe even feel like you’re not alone in this journey of bedtime routines.
I hope you enjoy this episode and thank you for listening!
Here’s a glance of this episode:
- [02:14] – Where this topic all started
- [06:17] – Bedtime routine when they were babies
- [09:15] – Winding down techniques I’ve tried but…
- [12:43] – The book that changed my perspective of our winding down routine
- [15:24] – What our winding down routine looks like today
- [16:22] – Reading before bed from a 2009 study from the University of Essex
- [17:17] – Bedtime routine looked when they were toddlers
- [20:09] – The Canadian 24 hour movement guidelines for good sleep
Want to go from 'drowning' to peace of mind?
Hey, welcome back. Thank you so much for being here and listening to the Parenting Guide Organizing Habits Made Easy podcast. And today’s episode is a good one, especially if you have kids that have trouble winding down before bedtime. So what prompted me to talk about this episode today?
If they don’t look like they’re sleepy…are they?
Well, first off, it started with a conversation that I had with my husband’s cousin the other week, and both our boys are in high school. They’re very similar and have a lot of things in common, not to mention they’re thinkers, meaning they have a lot of ideas and a lot of things going on up in their brains that often prevents them from falling asleep right away.
So my husband’s cousin had mentioned that since her son doesn’t look to be tired or is completely wired before bed, she decided to maybe push his sleeping to a later time. Now, I thought about that because it did occur to me for a stint, but it was something that I didn’t wanna do because I know my oldest one does not get enough sleep.
So I thought maybe we need to address the reason why they have trouble falling asleep. So this is how this whole episode came about, where we’ll talk about where this winding down and nighttime routine started for us and what it looked like at the beginning when they were still babies and toddlers.
Then I’ll talk about the problems or the struggles that we faced as our kid grew a little bit older and he still faces it now. (I kind of gave you a hint of that at the beginning.)
And finally, I’ll show you the way we tackle things right now and the tips and strategies we do to help our kids to wind down at the end of the day. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. Are you ready?
#35: Winding Down Routine For Kids With Active Minds
Where did the ‘winding down routine’ come from?
So where did this winding down nighttime routine all come from? Where did it stem from? Well, when we first started, way back when, 12 years ago, actually, when our firstborn was came into our life, you know, you get all the advice from all over the place, your friends, family, and even people on the street who you don’t even know will give you their 2 cents about how to raise your kid. And whether we take it with a grain of salt or take it all in and get overwhelmed and somewhere in between, it can get confusing and sometimes even frustrating because we didn’t even ask for any advice, right?
So when it came to our own kid, on top of all the advice we got from everywhere, my husband and I got this book, and I think I’ve mentioned this in a previous episode too. We got this book called The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hog.
find out how families with 3+ kids tackle the beast: laundry!
Now, I assume it was a great book, and in hindsight, yes it was, but at the time, we got it twice. One from my sister-in-law on one side and from the other sister-in-law on the other side. So I guess it was the book of the time. And I can tell you, if we had to do this all over again at this time, we would totally use that book again. So this book was about establishing routines and understanding our baby’s cues whenever they cried or anytime for that matter. It basically made our lives a whole lot easier by establishing both morning and nighttime routines that we still use today with some modifications, obviously.
The winding down routine for when they were babies
So the nighttime routine was particularly important for me because if the baby slept longer, then I’d get more sleep, right? And more sleep meant more than an hour and a half. If I was able to get three, maybe four hours in a row, I was happy as a kid in a candy shop! So our baby’s typical bedtime routine consisted of their bottle while listening to the slow side of Beyonce’s, I Am Sasha Fierce CD. Without fail, that CD would play over and over all night until the kid was asleep.
So after the bottle, it was bath time. Afterwards we changed them, read a little bit, cuddled a little, and then it was ‘good night’. And this was the routine for a good two, three years maybe. No doubt, we never got tired of hearing that CD every single night.
How cues can play to our advantage
Funny enough, whenever the song would play on the radio, years later, or we’d pop in the CD from time to time, our oldest kid, Kai’s eyes just popped up. Or his head would pop up as his eyes would just look up into the ceiling, kind of like what I do when I’m thinking about something or trying to remember a scene. It’s like your eyes go all the way up, as your eyes would dart left to right. It was quite funny and my husband tells me that all the time. So in regards to Kai, it’s as though he’d have these “I remember this!” – moments every time he’d hear the song.
Anyhow, this just goes to show that when you implement a routine where you have these cues, it helps to set things in motion, kind of like a sequence of events. So these cues are very helpful for the kids as well as adults. It helps us to continue our habits or our routines, and be consistent about it too, which is totally important.
When I noticed his struggle with falling asleep
Now going back to the bedtime routines for our kids years later when they kind of got a little bit older (we’re talking about elementary school), I noticed that my oldest one was having trouble falling asleep or just relaxing at night. How? Whenever I’d walk in his room to say goodnight again to the kids or just to check on them a second time, (sometimes three, that’s just me), I noticed that he wasn’t sleeping yet. Even after half an hour after we’ve said goodnight!
My Secret Sauce for setting the kids up for success
Sometimes it was 8:30, while other times it was 9 or even 9:15, and my kid is still there, wide awake, looking up at the ceiling. And you can see him thinking. So I’d ask him, ‘what’s up? What are you thinking about?’ And he’d excitedly talk about all the ideas he has; all the thoughts and dreams and the things he’s gonna build on Minecraft; or the things that he’s thinking about drawing or what he’s gonna be when he grows up.
So that just told me that he needed a better winding down routine or he needed something to help him relax.
Winding down strategy #1
And so I did that. I tried a couple of techniques, where one of them was a strategy that my phys ed teacher did with us back in high school. Basically it’s a relaxation technique where you close your eyes, lie there and relax by isolating your body parts to contract and then relax.
While coaching my son I would emphasize that his arm, for instance, is relaxing after being contracted for a few seconds, and that it was sinking into the bed. Then after, I’d say that his whole body was also feeling heavy. Basically, I was doing anything to entice him and encourage him that his bed is comfortable, that he’s in a safe place, and that he had this body awareness that his body can now relax.
So we’d start off at the head or at the toes, and work our way to the opposite side. And then slowly, eventually, he felt his body sink in and his eyes getting heavy. Finally he’d close his eyes and fall asleep. So I did this a couple of times. But it was kind of hard especially because you’re balancing two other kids who want your time and attention too.
Winding down strategy #2
Therefore I tried another technique which I still do from time to time even today and that is to massage his feet, his hands, his face for example. Sometimes I did this when they were babies, because that’s what the CD said, and what the book said was important to do, to help with their colic.
I have a background in massage therapy, graduated in exercise science and specialized in athletic therapy. So I kind of know my way around muscles and the skeletal system. So I would massage his body. And especially now because our kids are a lot more active and they’re growing so fast. Therefore I know their muscles get tense. I know that their legs are tired after running all day in jiu-jitsu; their posture’s affected because they’re carrying (heavy) school bags; or even sitting at their desk and doing their own work affects their body. So I know where the tension points are. I can feel the little knots between their shoulder blades and even on their traps. It’s crazy how they’re getting them already!
Problem with these 2 winding down strategies
So massaging proved to be beneficial, especially at night. Now, both strategies may be beneficial on the spot, but I found that it would cause dependency.
3 things to establish now before losing your s#!t later on (during the school year)
Nevertheless, if you’re a mom of more than one kid, everybody wants a fair share of mommy time. And with a massage two, heck, sign me up! So resulting in the following: your alone time or your couple time with your partner to get shorter and shorter to almost non-existent. And that’s not cool. It’s not fair to you, the other kids or your partner. Evidently, something had to give and something had to stop. Also, I realized that I wasn’t really addressing the root of the problem. Yes, I was getting his body to relax and eventually fall asleep, but it wasn’t addressing the mind.
New discovery that influenced our winding down routine
Finally my last point of establishing a winding down routine, is talking about how things are now at my house. But before that, I’m going to tell you about this book that I found because it pertains to our winding down story.
Basically, I got my hands on a book we received when our last kid was going into elementary school after ‘graduating’ from daycare. Every year, the school board gives new parents or parents of kindergartners something like a goody bag. Inside are a few books, some stickers sometimes, and information, basically, about the school board and the school we’re putting our kids in. It’s a really nice welcome bag that the school board puts together. Now, being my third time around the block for this, I knew what to expect. However I was (still) very excited about the books that we were getting, and I think this was one of them.
Now this book pertained to kids starting kindergarten and how to deal with their anxiety and apprehension about going into big kids school. And the strategy they used for the kids to handle this was to draw their emotions and feelings. So I thought this was great because whenever my kids get angry or they’re feeling sad, they could do this too! Because they weren’t able to express these feelings into words, especially when they were younger and couldn’t form sentences, this would be a great outlet for them.
Since then, I’ve often encouraged the kids to do this whenever they needed it. In addition, we made it part of their winding down routine before bed. And naturally, I started with Kai because he was always the one who was struggling to fall asleep.
Incorporating journaling for kids: drawing your feelings
Now, I got him a journal and away he went drawing and writing and doodling whatever it was in hopes that it would help him empty his brain before bed. Now, eventually the other two picked up on this and would draw also until they learned how to write sentences. Then when you fast forward to today, they do a mix of writing and drawing. So by doing this, I’m hoping that by implementing this habit of emptying their thoughts into paper, whether through writing or drawing, they’ll keep at it well into adulthood. Because if you just started journaling in adulthood or find it beneficial because you’ve been doing this for so long, imagine how helpful it would be for our kids and their future selves, right?
And with this in mind, remembering the nighttime routine from the secrets of the baby whisperer and what my kids’ doctor had suggested disconnecting at least 30 minutes before bedtime.
Free training: "How to find time in a busy schedule"
Winding down routine for school age-kids and pre-teens
To illustrate, this is what my kids’ winding down routine looks like right now during the weekdays:
- Supper is usually between 6 and 7:30pm, (depending on the night and depending on the activities.)
- After supper, they help to clear the dining room table, sweep the floor and wipe down the table and chairs.
- Let me just add a dose of reality here: It’s not always done with a happy face. Honestly, there are some grunts, sighing and rolling eyes when they do this. But hey, it needs to get done!
- Next, while someone is bathing, the other two can either do their 10 minutes of piano (if not yet done during the day), or do their bathroom stuff. You know, like grooming their nails or drying their hair and brushing their teeth, etc.
- And once they’re in the room, they obviously get dressed. Also, they can prepare their clothes for the next day if they wish to.
- Finally, once in bed, they can journal, draw or read.
A study from the University of Essex was done in 2009 where they found that reading reduced stress levels by 68% according to mental health First aid. Just six minutes of undisturbed reading is enough to distract your mind from your worries. Six minutes! That’s all it takes. It actually makes me think about my own bedtime routine and what I do and the benefits of just six minutes of reading. Hmm.
Setting up our winding down routine through strategic planning
Anyway, back to my kids and winding down. You might be thinking this nighttime routine I just illustrated does not work for you. To be honest, that would make sense especially if your kids are a lot younger. Currently, my kids are nine, 10, and 12. Therefore, they pretty much do a lot of their things on their own. So if this doesn’t work for youth, I hear you. I had young kids at one point too.
When the kids were younger, we made sure the activities were limited to one each. Often they would occur on the same afternoon, on the weekend, or evening for all three kids. Essentially, they weren’t spread out like they are today. To be honest, we tried to keep things a lot simpler with our schedule, just because more kids means a heck of a busier schedule. So keeping their activities to one per kid (maybe) and trying to consolidate everything on the same night was crucial.
Our winding down routine when the kids were younger (toddlers)
So my husband and I were always all hands on deck after supper. One went tended to the kids while the other cleaned the kitchen and started to fold the clothes of the many baskets that we had lining the hallway, or he joined in to help out with the kids some nights. However, I was alone because my husband would either travel for work or he had school board meetings that would last until nine, 10 o’clock.
So this just meant that my evenings were a little slower and the rest of the chores weren’t addressed until later, if at all. What needed to remain consistent was the nighttime routine, soft music as the cue, then bath, quiet time, read or draw while the other kids were getting their hair dried or brushing their teeth.
Stay on track with laundry & tips to getting the kids involved
How technology has ruined our sleep
To close all of this together with all the technology, immediate access to information, and all the latest games that are so intriguing to our kids on top of their natural curiosity, because they are just that kids, they’re automatically curious. It’s no wonder they have trouble focusing, relaxing, and finding that sense of calm in this very busy and noisy world. In addition, us adults are exposed to the same things! Things we only dreamed of having as kids. It’s challenging. Hence, now more than ever, it’s as if it’s a must to disconnect. If winding down before bed is tough for adults, can we say it’s probably the same thing for our kids? Absolutely. I totally believe this. So a good winding down routine is crucial to reap all of the benefits as well.
Being consistent about it has even more benefits. Now as adults, this is a tough one. You know that saying about learning new tricks when you’ve been around the block a few times, it’s hard. So if we teach our kids at a young age to establish this routine, by the time they get to our age, they’ll be a whole lot better off than we were.
The benefits of restful sleep
Consider the benefits of restful sleep. As a result of a great winding down routine, you get lower stress, you feel calmer and more relaxed, and there’s less on your mind. Now, in case you’re wondering what a good night’s sleep looks like, the Canadian 24 hour movement guidelines for the children and youth, they suggest that an average of 9 hours of sleep is required along with adequate physical activity and limited screening time to no more than two hours a day for optimal health benefits for kids ages five to 17 years old.
Some kids sleep more, others a little less. But try to get your kids to the average if they fall in the latter category, meaning less than 9 hours of sleep. So if you notice your kids having trouble winding down at night, I hope you got some great, great takeaways from this episode. In regards to my kids, ever since we’ve established these bedtime routines and included the drawing and the journaling time into our bedtime routine, we’re seeing the changes happen in them.
What my tween says about his winding down routine
Kai is getting a whole lot more sleep now because he’s able to fall asleep a lot faster than before. In addition, this week he’s mentioned to me that he needed this drawing time to empty his head before he went to bed. So I believe this is a win-win ever since we started this years ago.
Alright, my friend, thank you so much for being here and spending your time with me today. I hope to see you back here again next time. Have a great week. Bye-bye.
Can you think of someone who would also benefit from reading this?
Send it to them:
