5 Ways To Get Kids To Listen - Part 2
EPISODE 20
by Dianne Jimenez
This article takes 14 minutes to read
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5 Ways To Get Kids To Listen – Part 2
Today’s episode is part 2 a 2-part series. In addition to the revealing my final 2 ways to get kids to listen, I also provide you with a special BONUS method! Essentially, how we speak and present situations to our kids so they can see the big picture, helps them grasp things a lot easier. And to learn and understand where we’re coming from. The goal here is to build their awareness, observation, independent thinking, resourcefulness and independence.
Nevertheless, it’s a work in progress over time for both the parent and child. Therefore, I hope these tips, tricks and methods help you on your journey to getting more organized . As well, getting the kids involved with the tools and guidance I provide in today’s podcast episode…. (or any of my podcasts for that matter!)
Parenthood is challenging enough as it is and raising kids takes a village. Therefore, let me be part of that village and be your guide along the way! I truly hope these tips and perspectives help you and your family.
***
Repetition is encouraged! What’s parenthood without it, right?
Hey there friend! Welcome back to another episode of the Parenting Guide: Organizing Habits Made Easy podcast and I’m your host, Dianne Jimenez.
If you’re just tuning today for the first time, welcome, welcome, welcome! Today is part 2 of a 2 part series where I share with you
5 Ways To Get Kids To Listen
So if you haven’t done so yet, go back to last week’s episode (which I’ll link in the show notes). Then, have a listen to part 1, I’ll wait.
Haha I’m kidding!
Whether you’re here for the first time and listening to this episode first, then part 1 afterwards, it’s all good. Just to be clear, there’s no particular order. However, DO take this all in with an open mind. And DO have a listen to the last episode too. Because there are some great tips and resources to check out that will help you in your whole parenthood journey.
In regards to these tips I’m listing for you now, I encourage you to test one method out with your family. Then see if it works. Repetition is encouraged! What’s parenthood without it, right?
Ok. Now that we got all that straightened out, let’s just quickly recap the ones from last week and move on from there. How to Get Kids To Listen:
- #1 Let’s look at the big picture: In this method, it’s all about zooming out and looking at our situation from an aerial point of view. Next,
- #2 Future home owner story : Contrast what their habits and behaviors are like today, with the results IF they continue this way. Consequences down the road will happen if it’s not corrected or tweaked today.
- #3 I live here too : Here, it gets them to realize and grow awareness that they share the space with others. Which in turn, will benefit them in the future if it all starts at home.
Alright! Let’s keep going:
#4 To Get Kids To Listen:
I’m 1 person cleaning for 5 people
In this case, use the number of people that are in your household. Whatever that number, don’t forget to include yourself too. Albeit, cleaning for 1 person, which is typically ourselves, is one thing. However, cleaning for more people all the time… well…I don’t need to paint that picture for you, do I?
I must confess, out of frustration I’ve said this out loud in the past: ‘I’m 1 person cleaning for 5 people!”. Thankfully it’s not often. But when it’s those times where life is just busy, things are coming in from all sides and there just doesn’t seem to be any time for anyone to stop, look, pick up and put away… it can get really frustrating.
Want to go from 'drowning' to peace of mind?
Consequently, it just happened one morning. As I write this episode out: during the morning rush… well I shouldn’t say rush because the kids weren’t rushing. We were doing great with time. We were just in the middle of making their breakfast and putting their lunches together. As a matter of fact, I was there assisting, cutting up veggies and just making sure the kids had what they needed. All of a sudden, there it was, in the middle of the kitchen floor: a rag in the middle of the floor.
Like magic, they all moved. Like, really move. It’s as though they heard and felt the frustration and desperation in my tone….
Surprisingly, no one paid it any attention. They were all talking and kicking it around without noticing it. And it’s not like they couldn’t feel it or anything, they were barefoot! They just weren’t aware that there was something on the floor that someone could’ve just stopped to pick up.
But no.
So, as much as I was burning inside to say something, I waited. I waited to see if someone, ANYONE would notice. Nothing. So, I ended up doing it myself.
Oftentimes, it feels like the ONLY person who realizes the house is a mess, realizes that things aren’t where they should be, or realizes that other stuff has been sitting THERE for days or even weeks, and finally stops to do something about it?…It’s YOU!
I don’t know, it’s as though everyone waits for us to flip out before they move. In hindsight, I see now why mom would get so mad and frustrated. However, I also remember us as teens being SO into our own things…that we didn’t even realize the state of the house around us.
Now, my kids aren’t teens yet, so I can’t really expect them to realize and clean things up as they go.
Basically, that takes YEARS of discipline and consistency to form that habit
Nevertheless, if you ask child behavioral specialists and psychologists, I’m sure there’s a term and a reason for this. However, as the parent on the other end of their wits… it’s really tough to even form that habit.
So when I said I don’t use these words often: “I’m 1 person cleaning for 5…” I think back and I believe it was last summer the last time I used it, actually!
And when I said it, it was out loud and very clear. Like magic, they all moved. Like, really move. It’s as though they heard and felt the frustration and desperation in my tone…. Let me be clear, I didn’t want it to sound whiny or naggy at all. It’s not my style and I hate that.
I think it’s safe to say that ALL parents have been there before – multiple times. So you know where I’m coming from.
I didn’t want it to sound whiny or ‘naggy’ at all. It’s not my style and I hate that.
find out how families with 3+ kids tackle the beast: laundry!
I’ll be honest, part of me wants my kids to SEE the effect of what it feels like to be alone in taking care of so many things ON TOP OF running the family full-time and being THE GO-TO person for all their arguments, issues, and attention-seeking for whatever it is that they need. And I want to be there for all of this. Maybe not do everything for them, or solve things for them… but just to BE present, for support and guidance.
“don’t open until mom flips out”… it’s not a lasting impression or the push notification that I’d want the kids to have in order for them to help out around the house
That’s my goal. To BE PRESENT, be the guide and support for our family. And my goal for you too with what I teach in my courses and what I provide for you in my podcast.
But it’s a lot sometimes, this parenting thing.
So I don’t often use this method because I don’t want my kids to ONLY help out around the house when I’m at my wits end or as my brother once wrote on a box filled with X-mas decoration: “don’t open until mom flips out”… it’s not a lasting impression or the push notification that I’d want the kids to have in order for them to help out around the house. Right?
Which brings me to number 5.
#5 To Get Kids To Listen:
I need your help
This, if anything and unlike the last method, is the one I’ll often say. And as difficult as it is for me to say this, I’ll even say the same thing to my husband! (laughs) RARELY though, because I like figuring this out on my own, if you didn’t already know from previous episodes. I’m more used to that. It’s just who I am.
When it comes to the kids though, when I’m asking for help – it’s plain, simple, CLEAR instructions that can’t go unnoticed. Often, after I say “I need help”, I’ll tell them what the problem is, my roadblock and I give them the chance to chime in with their solutions.
Now just to be candid here, I don’t say this the same way all the time. Don’t think that the way I say it here today and now, is exactly the same way I say it I say it all the time. Sometimes there IS a little bit of frustration, just to be real with you. Sometimes I’m able to stop and say things calmly. I am human, so I try my best and give the instructions and try to convey my message that I need help and I’m inviting them to find the solution with me.
My Secret Sauce for setting the kids up for success (2 part series)
…relying on someone else to do everything, because….that’s what they’ve always known growing up.
Teaching kids and guiding kids & our role as parents
You may know by now, I’m ALL about taking advantage of the moments we can take for teaching kids. Such as: stop, calmly and clearly explain, guide and encourage them, follow through with them or follow up afterwards.
Surprisingly enough, these opportunities are all out there, ready to be taken advantage of. We simply just have to be able to slow down and grab them.
Now, can I do, whatever it is that I’m asking for help with, alone ? Most definitely ‘Yes’! Of course! However, do I need to do it alone all the time? No, absolutely not!
And this is one of my core beliefs as a parent, a mom, a woman of today’s world. When I started my professional organizing business and being more present online, I strongly believed, and still do today, that keeping our home and life organized shouldn’t have to fall on one person all the time, 24/7. It’s not why you’re here in the world. Not by a long shot.
And it’s not how I want, our kids to think either: that, either THEY have to take on ALL the household chores + work + taking care of the kids and everything else, on their own. Or even relying on someone else to do everything, because….that’s what they’ve always known growing up.
I strongly believe that keeping our home and life organized shouldn’t have to fall on one person all the time, 24/7. It’s not why you’re here in the world.
Can you see their future…. Or your life today, being repeated in the next generation?
I hear TONS of people saying this, and have read this on MANY Facebook groups:
- “Oh, it’s just faster if I do it myself”
- “It’ll be done the way I want if I do it myself”
- “It’s just easier this way…”
I hear you. And sure it might be faster, easier and done properly….but like any organization or company… it can’t function, or keep running long term when it depends on only 1 person’s efforts, time, energy, wisdom, expertise, care, speed, know-how, efficiency, etc. It’s impossible!
And in the organization of your world, that person is you: burning the candle on both ends.
And then we’re back to being frustrated and overwhelmed because we’re spreading ourselves way too thin. We have no patience, energy left or time for anything, or anyone, else…and that anyone, usually is our own self care and development.
Oh this vicious cycle must stop!
As parents, it’s our job. Teaching kids, whether they’re our own, our extended family’s, the neighborhood kids, they’re our future.
Will they be able to function? Be in stable relationships? Successful in life? Confident? Capable?
3 things to establish now before losing your s#!t later on (during the school year)
OK! I just gave you tons of examples and a sneak-peek of my world.
So let’s go over the 5 Ways To Get Kids To Listen:
- #1 Let’s look at the big picture: This method is about zooming out and looking at our situation from an aerial point of view.
- #2 Future home owner story: Contrast what their habits and behaviors are like today with the results IF they continue down the road and if it’s not corrected or tweaked today.
- #3 I live here too: Gets them to realize and grow awareness that they share the space with others. Which in turn, will benefit them in the future if it all starts at home.
- #4 I’m 1 person cleaning for x number of people: Having to take care of the mess of more than 1 person grows their awareness of the work you do for EVERYONE.
- #5 I need your help: This is self explanatory and a great teaching opportunity for them to help come up with solutions and get involved. You just have to be clear with your message and that it’s simple, be there to guide and support. This method will stick with them in the long run.
Guess what?
Here’s a BONUS one for you to get kids to listen
Now this is a little more like #3 “I live here too” where that places me on one side and them on the other. This bonus method I’m going to give you, puts all of us on the same boat:
My tone and intention came from a place of being present, here and now – and for them to look around. So if you haven’t guessed it already, it’s about
…slowing down and looking around you
Like many households, the common areas are constantly cluttered or disorganized. This would be the kitchen, dining space and living room or den. Well our home is open concept and it’s not a very big house, so wherever you’re standing, you can pretty much see everything, except for the bedrooms.
Anyhow, this particular morning I was just a little annoyed:
- we were running late for school
- 1 kid was still in their pjs doing homework at the computer that wasn’t DUE for that day. Plus, he hadn’t eaten yet…. And they should be out the door very soon.
Ahhh, can you feel my frustration brewing? He DID make his bed though, I gave him that.
Free training: "How to find time in a busy schedule"
No one said you had to do life alone
– Dianne Jimenez
So after addressing all that in a calm but assertive voice, the kitchen counters caught my eye even more this time (not like I didn’t notice it in the past. I knew the counters were filled with stuff but I’d just push the thoughts back in my mind and say ‘later, later’).
Anyway, I stopped, they noticed. I took a breath and they watched, waiting WHAT would come out…. And I could IMAGINE what they’d be thinking right there and then: Is she going to explode? Yell? Scream? Flip out??? All the while reminding myself to SLOW DOWN, as Dr. Siggie says on Instagram – follow her if you haven’t, she’s amazing!
And then I said what I had to say calmly and as clearly as I could.
Now, side note: This is A LOT mentally, emotionally and physically… to keep from spewing out what you really feel and what you’re really thinking…..kind of like a tantrum? (laughs) I know, right now in hindsight, it sounds and looks so ridiculous, right? But I’m being completely honest and open with you here. This is real talk.
So, back to those really angry feelings. THAT doesn’t serve them at all.
The idea for this perspective is to show your kids, show OUR kids, that you too, the parent, will need help with maintaining the house.
And, I wanted to also challenge myself to be better, do better. After all, this is what I tell them all the time in follow up conversations when talking about our thoughts and actions: we have to try to be better and do better next time.
So this was me, practicing what I preach. Now, I can’t remember the exact words I used but it was something like this:
- It would be really appreciated, because we all contribute to it…. that once in awhile… or OFTEN actually, is that whenever you’re in a room or leaving one, take a minute to look around and just see if there’s ANYTHING in that room that SHOULDN’T even be there… to take it with you and put it away. I then showed them kitchen island, and I asked:
- Do you see anything here that doesn’t belong in this area? I just need us all to be a LITTLE more aware of our surroundings. We ALL live here too, we’re ALL creating messes here and there.
The idea for this perspective is to show your kids, show OUR kids, that,
you too the parent, will need help with maintaining the house.
Stay on track with laundry & tips to getting the kids involved
Parenting’s hard enough as it is and I think if we can use whatever help we can get, to help us get through the day to day. Now, maybe not all these tips and tricks will resonate or work with your family, there are some that will. The thing that can help for sure though, is when you take these tools, tips and tricks – tweak them to make them your own, so that it applies to your family and your situation. If you get the desired results or something close to it, you know you’re doing something right and you’re on the right track!
So keep going!
And just a reminder: this is a lot of mental focus and work on your part. So please be patient with yourself if you don’t get the desired results. It takes time and lots of patience and practice. So give yourself grace my friend!
So find your parent support group, listen to Dr. Siggie or keep listening to this podcast – I hope it helps you.
My mission is to help as many parents as I can, BE in the moment, BE present for their kids to help guide them and also have time for your own self-care, self development and do the things that are important to you.
We can only achieve this with space: to think, move, and rest.
So I hope these methods help you move forward. I’d love to know if they do so drop me a DM on IG @1tidyplace, I’ll link it in the show notes. Thank you for tuning in today. If you found today’s episode, or any episode, helpful or insightful, please share this link with a friend, or 3, via text or email. I also love reading your reviews on Apple Podcast. I may just read them on an episode in the future and give you lots of love and thanks! Alright my friend, have a great rest of the week and I’ll see you back here next time: Same awesome time, same awesome place. Bye for now!
Referenced in this episode
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